Ask the therapists: Elderly confined

Hi There, I’d like to suggest an article addressing the problems of elderly caregivers and their partners living in COVID 19 restricted care homes. Older people really need some survival aid during this time of enforced isolation.

Thanks, Don, 88-year-old man

Jenny and Blair

Thanks for writing in Don, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you during these uncertain times as an elderly person, so I did the smart thing and asked my parents, who live in a senior’s home in Truro. Mom’s first response was “I think the main problem is loneliness. Many of our residents do not have family near, or if they have, they might not be allowed to visit, given COVID restrictions. They can talk on the phone, a few use email, but so many are lonely. They depend on the programs offered here, like a knitting group, chair yoga or an exercise group. Some residents have made close friendships with each other, which is good with guest visitation being monitored.”

Mom’s on the mark with this concern, as science tells us that withdrawn elderly will incur mental deterioration more rapidly than a senior who is socially and intellectually stimulated by community engagement.

For family members and caregivers, it’s important for their social and emotional wellbeing, to ask questions and hold space for seniors to share memories, insights and stories. Often, it’s not professional care or therapy that people need, but rather human connection and the power of love that means the most.

Survival support can also come in the form of interests and passions. My parents have certainly shown me that retirement doesn’t mean you stop contributing to society, as they’ve used their retirement years to hone their crafts. Mom has chosen to channel her grief by composing music, which is one of her greatest joys. Last week she published her second book of fiddle tunes, dedicated to her deceased daughter, Lisa McCully. Her husband, Don Murray, has immersed himself into the writing process, soon to be releasing his fourth book on theology (at 87 years old himself). Whether it’s chess, cross stitch, history or cooking, elderly people need to be encouraged to keep that inner sense of purpose alive.

Nutrition is a priority for all of us, as our food choices can either boost or diminish our immunity. Mom says “Good nutrition is questionable for some who only eat the one meal a day that’s provided, and perhaps don’t have nourishing breakfasts or suppers.” With the risks of grocery shopping right now, we can all take extra care to ensure that our elderly people are consuming enough and eating well.

And finally, exercise is the elixir of life, providing much needed oxygen and energy, maintaining muscle tone and even boosting our mood. Some people walk the halls of Mom and Don’s home, but many elderly people live with low energy levels and are ‘too tired to move’. Here’s the thing about exercise, so long as your hormone system is balanced, the more you do, the better you feel. And it doesn’t have to be a marathon distance, twenty minutes a day, three times a week can be enough to sustain your baseline. And for those who require mobility support? Mom encourages the normalization of walkers, saying “Many residents depend on walkers in order to get from one place to another, which is wonderful.” Blair (67) walks about 10km a day and although I’m younger by a long stretch, he still kicked my butt at an uphill race last week!

Blair

One of the most interesting clients I’ve ever had, was an 89-year-old woman who was living in a senior’s home and suffering from low self-esteem. In fact, through our work, she realized she was allowing herself to be bullied by other seniors. Many of us assume that at a certain age, we no longer have the issues that haunted us in our earlier years, but this woman showed me that our painful issues can follow us and that it’s never too late to heal them. What’s more, isolation has the ability to bring out these unresolved concerns. Caregivers may assume that a quick chat will alleviate the situation, when in reality, a deeper dive with a therapist may be required to support healing and peace.

As we age, we tend to lose people and things along the way, therefore, many elderly people, like our family, are dealing with grief and loss. I think much more needs to be done to assure that elderly people receive proper assistance to support them through the grief process. Many professionals today are doing ‘tele-therapy’ but if counseling is not an option, there are many podcasts, YouTube videos and books at the library which can help a grieving senior find solace.

Having worked with the Mi’kmaq for the last decade, I have tremendous respect for how they treat and care for their elderly. After all, they’re called elders because they are viewed as the keepers of great wisdom. It’s time for all of us to honor the wisdom that elderly people have in abundance, that can only be gleaned through lived experience.

Unfortunately, ageism is alive and well in our society. Instead, we could follow the Mi’kmaq way, and consider that our elderly may hold the answers to our greatest questions. Let them teach you, they may be physically limited, but they have so much to offer.

Finally, you’re never too old to start a mindfulness practice, which can bring immense peace amidst these troubling times. God bless and stay well!

Have a question for Jenny and Blair? Send your inquiries to info@BreathingSpaceYogaStudio.ca