Ask the therapists: Returning to School in a pandemic

With public schools reopening soon and anxieties mounting about COVID safety, how can I relax and let my children go to school?  I am a stay at home mom so I could keep my children home, but I think they need school and to get away from each other.  It certainly doesn’t help that my mother has weighed in that I should not be sending them.  How do I relax and let go of the guilt if I don’t home-school my children?

Thanks for expressing your concerns, they are shared by many, including teachers. I know friends who are home schooling or putting their children into online learning as a result of the same concerns you have. The children are able to engage in the learning process, from the comforts of their own home, which serves introverts very well. But the extroverts, those kids who really thrive off of social connections, might wilt from isolation and FOMO (fear of missing out). Whether your children are socially inclined or not, social interaction is an essential part of life so if they do stay home, be sure to keep them involved in extracurriculars that provide connection to their peers.

It sounds like you’re leaning toward sending them back to school and feeling guilty about it because you could homeschool if you so choose. As I said above, socialization is a crucial part of anyone’s life, especially children. Through social engagement with friends, children develop self-confidence, empathy and communication skills, so you’re not off the mark by sending them back to school. Are you close enough to bring them home for lunch? That might be a happy medium.

I think that we all need to remind ourselves (and our bodies) just how powerful our systems are in fighting pathogens and diseases. We do know that eating well with lots of fresh, local produce, good doses of sunshine and fresh air all help our bodies to do their job. We also know that stress depletes our immunity and leaves us susceptible to viruses and bugs. By stress, I mean the full gamut, which includes physical (too much or too little exercise, for example), chemical (like preservatives, pesticides and food coloring found in packaged food) and emotional (such as hostility, discord, guilt). Instead of constantly indulging our nightmares about what kind of horror might unfold, this is our time to do everything we can to boost our systems with loving connections, self-care, adequate sleep and of course, faith.

Before sending your children off to school, it’s always a good idea to prepare them for the changes they will face, such as bubbling in classrooms, outdoor gym classes etc. You can also encourage your children to advocate for themselves during these questionable times, by requesting social distance or better ventilation in the classroom etc. The best you can do is make a decision based on the facts and your comfort level and then trust that your choices are the best for all.

As for your mother? You don’t need to explain your parenting choices but if you want to, you could share your rationale behind your decision and let her know how she can best support you through these uncertain times.

Blair

We too have people in our lives who voice their opinion on whether or not we should be sending our children to school. We all need to be extremely careful about who we listen to because everyone has opinions but not all are based on sound medically researched advise.

My suggestion is to gather all the information you can, but careful about unconsciously seeking content that supports your desire. We need to be open to both sides of the argument to make an informed decision.

Once you’ve done you research and considered the mental, social, emotional and physical needs of your family, it’s now time to listen to how the decision feels in your body. Stay connected to the wisdom that resides within and let that help you to navigate this tricky time.

With regards to your mother, how have you handled her opinion in the past? Do you have clear boundaries when it comes to your relationship with her? If it feels right, you can welcome her opinion but make it clear that you will take the option of following her suggestions or not.

As Jenny often suggests, many women are taught from an early age to please others and be agreeable, so watch the tendency to allow guilt to seep into your decision-making process. Your affirmation can be ‘I will not “should” on myself today, and will instead trust the wisdom within’.

Finally, what’s beautiful about life is that we always have the freedom to change our minds, no matter how far down the path we are. Good luck and all the best this fall!