Ask the therapists: Social distance

With the recent reduction of restrictions, I’m noticing that in some stores there are no arrows like there used to be and people seem to be disregarding the advice to maintain social distance.  My friends discount me like I’m over-reacting, which I find upsetting. On top of that I’ve become paranoid about leaving the house. How do I deal with it all, from people close to me to strangers at the store?

Jenny

We too notice that social distance is a challenge for many as we navigate our way through public places. Whenever we can transform our anger and frustration into compassion and gentleness everyone wins, including ourselves. Therefore, let’s do that by gaining more understanding of why it’s so hard for people to keep their distance.  One of the reasons why the human species has survived as long as it has is largely due to our instinct to care for one another and nurture lasting social connections. This drive to ‘tend and befriend’ creates strong support structures that buffer us from the negative effects of stress, boosting our mood, our immunity and other life-enhancing benefits. Put more simply, hanging out with friends and family makes us feel better, especially during stressful times such as a pandemic.

With this understanding that people are just trying to feel better and manage their stress levels, hopefully you can feel a bit more empathetic when someone enters our bubble of personal space uninvited. We can reassure everyone in our lives that connection can happen, just from a distance. Personally speaking, I’ve been able to have distant and deeply heart-felt connections in the last two months that have helped me immensely with my grief, so I’m proof that a social distance conversation is still effective should you need evidence.

Secondly, it sounds like you’re stressed because you feel threatened and believe you can’t control your environment, which is a difficult state to live in. Last week we spent a day with another family who has a child with a severe health condition. The mother was very clear in communicating her boundaries before the visit, indicating that we all wear masks and keep our space. Pandemic aside, imagine if we all felt free to state our needs with others in our lives and have those needs respected? It’s a great practice for even the most normal of days, so I encourage you to check in and identify your needs each day as this ever-changing situation unfolds.

Blair

This is a very challenging time for all of us, especially with the constant updates on what we can and cannot do socially. This morning at the grocery store, the cashier said to me that people are acting like COVID 19 is over and she wondered what news reports their watching. As Dr. Strang has said, we have to learn to live with COVID 19 and it’s up to each of us to abide by the behavioral recommendations put forth by health authorities. 

Some people have boundary issues to begin with, and don’t know how to recognize personal space, so we need to be even more adamant with them about stepping back. I can understand the internal conflict you’re having, since no one wants to appear rude or demanding. But alas, it all comes down to naming and honoring your own needs. We have a running joke in our family that we’re going to get t-shirts made that say in bold letters “Social distance-6 feet away please!” to make our needs known. Whatever works in getting the message across, right? We also have an opportunity here to teach our children how to set appropriate boundaries that honor their needs too. Some children are viewing this is an adult illness, which it is not, so they too need to be advocating for their health and safety, even in the face of peer pressure.

Finally, I encourage you to stay abreast of the situation each day by seeking updates from reliable sources and then deciding what behavior aligns with the situation. Regardless of what others say, you can then step into your life knowing that you’re behaving in a way that feels healthy for you.