Ask the therapists: US political debate

I sat down with my teenagers to watch the US presidential debate and it was so upsetting that we turned it off after 30 minutes. I’m so concerned about the next generation who are watching and learning from this type of media. How are we parents supposed to explain that kind of communication to our children?

Jenny

I too was appalled (but not surprised) by the profound disrespect demonstrated on the largest leadership stage IN THE WORLD! For a political debate that’s aimed at discussing world issues to decline into a scrappy argument filled with flagrant interruptions and insults, leaves many of us stunned and concerned that this will become the new normal for human communication.

In order for it not to be, we all have to become more aware of our interactions with others. I believe that if you’re an adult, you automatically assume the responsibility of leader (to some degree) to our youth. I say this because, regardless of the role you play in society, there’s always someone watching and learning how to be human based on the ways in which you engage in the world. This perspective might overwhelm some, but it can also inspire us to understand that we all have a platform, no matter how small. It’s time for you to become a counter voice and take action by looking for the many ways you can speak up in opposition to such callous demonstrations.

In scientific terms, it is said that the individual (microcosm) reflects the total (macrocosm) and vise versa. In other words, we parents have a lot to do with the evolution of humanity. You as a parent, are a leader within your family and you have the opportunity (as well as the responsibility) to create a healthy, considerate climate within the family unit. Every effort you put into your children to teach them about what it means to relate to others with respect, decency and kindness, influences the world now and in the future.

We, as a family, have created our own Family Mission Statement, which is a declaration of our individual and collective values. It’s a great way of setting the standard for communication and behavior within your family and may open doors for important life conversations in the process.

Let’s allow this political fiasco to ignite our passion to exemplify positive human traits and behaviour with even more zeal than before.

Blair

As a former member of Men for Change, I believe Trump is doing a great job of bringing the human shadow to light with his bullying tactics, demoralization and abuse. In so doing, he’s giving us the opportunity to discuss healthier ways of being human first, and leaders second.

As an educator of 45 years, I see every life experience as a teaching and learning opportunity. When I discussed Trump’s performance with my children, we talked about the background events that led to this moment in time and how we can prevent this type of communication or leadership from governing in the future.  

As Jenny said above, we spend a lot of time discussing our values and how we each intend to contribute to the family and to society through our choices. We have regular check-in chats about our goals and moral standards when it comes to appropriate communication. We often use our own bloopers and those in the political arena as examples that showcase ineffective, or, as Marshall Rosenberg would call it ‘violent communication’.

Speaking of violent communication, it’s important to discuss Trump’s ‘bully’ behavior, and his reliance on threats, attacks and the intent to harm, not to mention his constant attempt to expose other people’s weaknesses.

From a teaching standpoint, this is yet another opportunity to discuss how to use effective tools to deal with bullying. One of the most successful ways for dealing with a bully’s behavior is to refrain from reacting, which must have been so difficult during the debate. This is where our daily mindfulness practice turns into gold, enabling us to observe a person’s behavior with the ability to stay calm and focused on our values.

Another way of dealing with bully behavior is to cultivate self-confidence which we all do when we’re surrounded by kind, loving friends and family members. That said, it’s so important to make your family a safe shelter where members can come to restore their faith in themselves.

Let’s stay hopeful about our potential as humans and remember that sometimes we need bold examples of how we don’t want to live, in order to gain greater clarity of how we do.

Have a question for Jenny and Blair? Send all inquiries to info@BreathingSpaceYogaStudio.ca