Striving to Trust Again

Last week we had our security system checked by this awesome guy, Gary. As he worked away on the main panel, I began probing him with questions about home security, firearm possession, self-defence etc. He was knowledgeable and informed about criminal activity in the city, but he was also warm and understanding, knowing what we as a family have been through. He said that the events of April 2020 have made all of us in the Maritimes question our basic safety in the one place we should feel most secure, at home. I cried, not just for my own traumatic grief, but for everyone’s life that’s been changed since the massacre. 

During our conversation, I realized that in order to restore some semblance of peace, I needed to practice trusting people again. It’s tough to trust humanity given the incredibly harmful choices we’ve made, but Gary reminded me of all the amazing, trustworthy and caring people (and yes, more specifically men) out there. Collectively, the way we restore trust is by becoming trustworthy people, by living with integrity according to our highest values. And every man out there has an opportunity to help direct our boys toward respectful behaviour, every time you lead by example. Thanks Gary for helping to restore my trust, by servicing our security system, and helping to heal my heart!

If you’re like me and feeling the effects of trauma as the public inquiry gets underway this fall, I offer these strategies to support you:

1. We all have the power to choose what we give our attention to. If you choose to take in the hearings, do so, but then focus your attention on positive things and people, like the super sweet securty guys that spontaneously drop into our lives. I know for me, it’s not at all healthy to relive the gory details (from any tragic event) so I limit the information that comes into our home.

2. Encourage discussion by talking about your feelings, which can be pretty strong during times like this. I’m always amazed by how good I feel after a heart to heart with someone who truly cares, or a deep cry from my depths. Metabolizing our emotions is crucial for staying centered in the seat of the soul.

3. Pray on it. Imaginary or not, I often welcome connection with my deceased siblings, Lisa and Jonathan, by asking for guidance and support. The First Nations Tradition believes that when someone passes on, they become our ancestors, who look over us and protect us. I find great comfort in imagining all the soul’s who passed away last April as ancestors, guiding us toward lighter, brighter days. 

Finally, know that you’re not alone on this human pilgrimage, let’s stay close and move through this together.