The Last Thing He Told Me

I don’t read fiction. I don’t have time, or emotional energy, to waste on other people’s dramas.
But we went to Chapter’s last weekend while in Moncton and Sophia picked up a book that everyone’s apparently raving about.
After teaching all weekend, without the use of my body (back injury that just won’t quit), something in me reached for this book, hoping it would rest my teaching mind.
I got into it, just like we did with the Harry Potter series, staying up way past the girls’ bedtime, because I’m a finisher.

So, having shelved every optional responsibility over the last few days, I just completed “The Last thing he told me”.
It’s a curious plot twist on loss, gone but not fully gone, but nonetheless, leaving a child to grieve her parents.
As I read the last few chapters, I was overcome with compassion for the little people who’ve had to do the same in real life.
Even though it’s been our reality for years now, the break in my heart is still easily accessed.
When my tears glazed over my vision, I put the book down and just sat with what is for me, the pain, the missing, the sorrow.
We often think that contemplative practice requires some fancy mind training, but the work starts when we simply pause in the face of intense emotion.
Then we can hold it in our spacious awareness, without wishing it to be different, just fully feeling into our reality, as it is.
This may seem counter intuitive because everything around us encourages us to distract ourselves from discomfort.
But if we don’t take time to investigate our deepest pain, we’ll forever be run by it.

As I sat, contemplating my losses, observing the ache, and breathing into my heart space with loving presence, a miraculous and wonderful thing happened.
As if on que, the back and front doors thrust open and a fresh breeze blew through the house, feeling more like a spiritual visitation than a random gust of wind.
I’m reminded how imperfect our lives are, sometimes with no happy endings in sight, only rich stories to share.
Maybe I’m a new fan of fiction now, thanks Laura Dave.

If you’re interested in learning more about healing pain by dealing with past traumas, triggers and loss through mindfulness,
Blair and I will be leading a Trauma and Mindfulness Level 1 Certification Training July 20-22nd, 2022.
For more info, or to register, you can visit https://yogainschools.ca/annual-yoga-conference/