Your senses shape your state of mind

Okay, full disclosure here, I’ve been struggling to find my center the last few months. As the inquiry approaches, I find myself struck by the same paralyzing fear that swept through me in the days following the massacre. I have kindly received regular emails from the mass casualty commission, informing us of the procedure and advising us to have our support system in place, as there will be full disclosure into the details of the mass shooting (not their exact words of course). 

As a highly sensitive person, I found myself dreading the new year and all of the re-traumatization that would inevitably happen through the inquiry. In the daylight, constant tears have lingered behind my eyes and in the darkness, nightmares have consumed my sleep. 

And yet, as a dedicated practitioner, I’ve also been able to recognize my fatalistic thinking and my mind’s inclination to muck around in dread and drama. In December I realized that it was game time, it was my time to increase my practice in order to match this darkness with an equal amount of light. 

What’s Joshua Bassett sing in his latest song, never waste a good crisis? The ancient spiritual teachers said the same thing, that when life brings us to our knees, we’re in the perfect place to pray, and practice and love. So I’ve done my practice, morning, noon and evening, along with a daily dose of chocolate and shopping (much of which I thankfully return once I bring it home and honestly assess its importance in my life).

Then yesterday, I pulled a book off my shelf and flipped through it. As I read Rhonda Burns’ words on the spiritual journey, how she knows without a doubt that life takes care of us, if you trust it, I felt a rush of peace move through me. She said that her life changed when she got fired from her job. 

I love this phrase “After I was released from my job, I was on the runway to the sacred.” She just kept getting the message that this was for the good, that she can’t see it yet but she will. She then went on to produce The Secret, which has changed lives (and ignited controversial conversations) over the last 15 years. She shared about the magic that comes from releasing resistance, for when we do that, all will unfold as it’s meant to. Open your arms and just let go…of the suffering…of the old limiting beliefs…of the shame…of the sadness, all of it…

And so I did that, all evening, as I helped Bella color a collage for her school door, I let go (and so did the tears). As I drove through the traffic to pick up Sophia, I let go and affirmed that life is taking care of me.

I’m delighted to report that I woke up this morning and recalled my dreams, as I do every morning before moving my body, to stay attuned to the inner workings of my subconscious. I was amazed to notice that the nature of my dreams were very different, filled with laughter, color and light. My body felt different as well, more relaxed and rested. 

My conclusion is that I am, yet again, affirmed by the ancient teachings that what we consume through our senses affects our state of mind. I believe it’s cumulative too, that the hours of intentional practice of resting my awareness on mantra, breath, light and love helped me to arrive at this place of yet another layer of healing on this excruciating yet powerful journey. Will it stay this way? Likely not, but a fleeting moment of peace is better than none at all and I’m inspired to keep walking the path of light.

As we move into the holiday season and the solstice, with the many threats on our wellbeing and the darkness surrounding us, I invite you to clarify your intention and then take action that supports the way you want to feel.

All my love, and thank you Rhonda.

Jenny